doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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