I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
