wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There r osticjed everywhere
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
