Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
