6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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