How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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