"it" just moved
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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