Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
