he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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