her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
