too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
