hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
