I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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