literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
