I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
