Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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