Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
