My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
