I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
