Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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