i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
