No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize