got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
