were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Come on in and take your pants off
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