This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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