You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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