Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
