I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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