addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
