Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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