Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
