are you still at the devil's house?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bring me that man meat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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