a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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