i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize