UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
