Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
