just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize