You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
