When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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