My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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