so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
