I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
