In the future we'll all be gay
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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