You made me cry and you don't even care
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
