Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
