Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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