Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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