Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
