never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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