Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the day after is always just damage control
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
