If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
