Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
