So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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