Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
