I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
