According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
