Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My feet surprised me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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