I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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