Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry about my life...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
