just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
