My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
