she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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