he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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