I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
