We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
